Seasonal Depression

Seasonal depression and welcoming spring

I feel like I’m waking from a slumber, but it hasn’t been a pleasurable sleep. It’s as though I’ve been attacked with a sleeping curse, where every day I’m battling to wake up and return to the vibrant parts of myself, the parts that make me, me.

Can you relate to this?

It’s the same every year. When the skies are grey, the mornings are dark, the evenings darker still and I’m so cold, all of the time.

It plays havoc with my mood as I begin to cancel plans and hate myself for doing so, wishing to hibernate into this sleepy state but feeling my mood darken all the more for doing so. The demands of life willing me to carry on.

Does this sound familiar to you?

I begin to wonder whether I’m ok “Is this ‘just’ seasonal depression” or “Is there something more going on?”

I begin berating myself, sinking further into a hole I know how to get out of, but the motivation is never there when it’s so dark and cold.

And then…

Almost as if to wipe away all thoughts and leave me questioning myself all over again…

Signs of spring begin to appear…

And I can feel my mood beginning to brighten…

It’s as if I am waking up, stretching. I can feel myself reawakening and reconnecting with those parts of myself that had been lost.

Does this resonate?

I spot blue skies, I notice I am not so cold anymore. Big coats are replaced with lighter jackets and my beloved fluffy pyjamas and cosy slippers will soon be made redundant once more.

The bird's song provides a beautiful backdrop to my day and brings me a great deal of joy. Even when it rains, the day no longer feels like the end of the world; it seems less bleak and endless because there is always the promise of blue skies and sunshine around the corner.

I am happier as I feel myself returning to the me that feels familiar and comfortable.

This shinier picture I paint now sounds wonderful but it can lead me and others suffering in this cycle feeling confused and fearing when this better or lighter mood will be taken away again.

The control doesn’t always feel there and we have to work harder to manage our moods.

There are ways to help with seasonal depression which I will write about another time.

So, when I say ‘just’ Seasonal Depression or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) it isn’t JUST anything because it affects so many of us so drastically and it isn’t understood or taken seriously enough.

I’m a therapist, working with people who suffer with this, whether they initially realise or not, but I’m also a human who feels the waves of SAD washing over her every winter and I feel the tide rolling back again every spring.

This is my attempt at normalising something that in my experience, does not always feel so normal.

I want you to know that there are places you can turn to where you can feel accepted, understood and heard instead of judged and disappointed – my counselling room will always be one of them.